Jamie Cannon

Inspiration: “I became a lawyer when women were not wanted by the legal profession,” she says. “I did see myself as kind of a kindergarten teacher in those days because the judges didn’t think sex discrimination existed.” Ruth Bader Ginsburg on her early days

_“See what you see.” - My yoga teacher

“Turns out I see very little.” -Me_

Women’s Equality Day was a little over a week ago, which got me reflecting deeply on fairness and the progress of gender equality in the workplace. Over the past year, I’ve been on a journey to renew my own life with equality as a bedrock value. I’ve written about equal representation and transgender rights among other topics. I have a lot to learn; no matter how much I seek to understand, I’ll never be an expert on another person's life experience. I have my beliefs, though. I believe in gender equality and the work it requires from all of us, which is to say, I’m a feminist.

I also believe that sharing a personal story has the power to improve our shared understanding of each other. I believe having a point-of-view matters. And when someone is being unquestionably disadvantaged – and you see that – I believe there’s a moral obligation to take a stand. This system of beliefs informs a lot of what I choose to read and write about.

On gender equality, I frequently reflect on the last few years of my corporate career. During that time, a series of events unfolded that upended how I saw and experienced discrimination in the workplace. When men don’t share these stories, it’s likely out of fear of handling the topic poorly. I know I am. So, I’ll do my best because sharing experience builds common ground. Common ground often enables us to move forward together. (A good friend pointed out that deciding to share or not share, which is to say participate in this dialogue, is itself male privilege. More on male privilege below: I'm a college-educated white male. My blind spots are everywhere.)

Some background: these events occurred during a period of significant organizational change. Leaders were moving roles and teams were being re-shuffled. Changes like these often generate significant on-the-ground anxiety for individual contributors who worry for the safety of their jobs. In my case, I was losing some direct reports and gaining others.

Being a front-line manager is challenging because you are, effectively, a messenger. You exist between the decision and its impact. To provide a modicum of change management, I hired a professional development coach for a day of team building. During these activities, we’d be coached on methods to improve our inclusion, problem-solving and communication skills. This coach was incredibly effective not only for our team, but I credit her with gifting me with lifelong tools that forever changed how I experience gender in the workplace.

After our day together, which was productive and fun, the coach pulled me aside and candidly shared that communication breakdowns on the team essentially fell along gender lines. The fact that we had our breakdowns wasn’t surprising; that was the point of the day’s work. That the breakdowns fell so clearly along gender lines was surprising. That kind of demarcation hadn’t shown up in private feedback or anonymous team polling.

The coach went on to share her observation of the gender dynamics, which she articulated as pervasive. Regardless of being an unconscious bias, she shared, the men were creating an environment where the women had diminished or no voice. I was disappointed in myself. As someone who generally received positive feedback as manager, this was a poor reflection on my self-awareness. I wondered if she was off-base, advancing her own agenda or making broad generalizations based on limited interactions.

Personal detour: a few years ago, I became a yoga teacher. In addition to the physical training, becoming a yoga teacher requires beginner level philosophy. This will get cliché quickly, so let me bottom line the takeaway: whenever you have a strong emotion reaction, examine the opposite position and consider the possibility both are true. I love this kind of thinking – coincidentia oppositorum– and have used it ever since.

So I embraced the possibility I was blind to deep & systemic issues on the team. That by the very nature of inculcated gender norms, I was missing the point. Perhaps what was working for me might only be working because it was not working for someone else. I went to work observing our team interactions with her feedback in mind. The goal was to establish a new awareness, not to judge or blame.

What I saw was shocking. Biased behaviors were present not only in the everyday interactions of the immediate team, but pervasive across the organization. They were present in junior team members, all the way up to executives, in every discipline. As it turned out, gender discrimination was everywhere. It reminded me of David Foster Wallace's parable that warns us: fish don't know they're in water.

I suspect many team members would agree that an open and challenging multi-year dialogue started that summer and likely continues to address these dynamics. I suspect some would say it has improved, others might disagree. The point in sharing my story is this: the question of gender discrimination is not whether it is present or not, but a question of its measure. It’s in the little moments, the brief exchanges, a million apologies for simply existing. Unconscious bias training, being an ally-in-action and inclusive hiring are crucial – but ticking boxes on diversity initiatives isn’t the point. Solving discrimination is about making space for equality. That is a lifelong practice.

Here are some of the tools I used and still find valuable for spotting unhealthy gender dynamics:

• Do men tend to interrupt and/or talk over women at a rate higher relative to other men?
• Do women resort to using body language to signal a contribution? For example, miming speaking, raising a hand, taking an overly audible inhale/exhale. Are these ignored?
• What do men do after listening to a woman; do they build on the idea or return to their own line of thinking – generating the experience of not being heard?
• Do women say, “I’m sorry” at moments where no discernable wrong has occurred?

There are many more, these were just the most recurring and observable. In terms of actioning interventions as a manager, I found a few ways that seemed to work in my specific case (although different workplaces may require different solutions.) These are challenging waters to navigate as HR guidelines and norms continue to evolve.

1. As team manager, set the tone that every voice will be heard. No exceptions. Say those words, with emphasis, at the beginning of every meeting. At one point we had a megaphone in meetings. If someone felt like their voice wasn’t being heard, they picked up the megaphone. There was a good level of camaraderie on the team, so it was contextualized as a social signal that space needed to be created for an unheard voice. Role model spotlighting when you see someone overlooked.

2. Address diminishing behaviors in individual feedback sessions. These are hard conversations as they touch on deeply held beliefs we have about ourselves. Effective language and listening is critical, as it maintaining trust and safety with every team member.

3. Continue to grow your own awareness. Find mentors and ask for coaching from those around you. I was lucky to have female executives and direct reports willing to give me ongoing candid feedback when I missed something or made a mistake.

If one wants to improve gender dynamics in the workplace, one must play the part of student, teacher and change agent, usually all at once. I do not exempt myself from these failings; only that I established an awareness from which to grow.

About the topic of male privilege: it’s real. To faithfully invoke the framing provided by Kirsten Gillibrand, a man’s privilege does not take away from the challenges that men face. Some general expectations that may occur in a man’s life include suppressing emotions, defining identity through work status and channeling stress into aggression. I’ve experienced all these. In fact, male suicide rates are rising and increase with age (men are 3.5x more likely than women to take their own life.)**These are very real issues, but that is not what privilege is about. **

**Privilege is about a system so biased towards men that woman decide to avoid entering high-paying, **male-dominated fields[1]like engineering (STEM graduates are 65% male.) If women do get hired, women earn on average .78 cents for every dollar[2]a man earns. In terms of performance, women under 40 are disproportionately passed over for promotion****[3]****despite being 21% more likely to be considered a top performer.[4][5] 88% of women report experiencing some form of harassment during their lifetime. The situation is worse in male dominated industries. [6]And worse still for women of color and minority communities, where incidents remain universally under-reported. To fix these challenges, we need far more transformational change at every level, from everyone.

So when talking about the privilege that comes with being male, I take it to mean they are considering the gender bias that exists at the structural level.

We’ve all existed under the burdening expectations of a system created long ago; a system that promised equality but continued to be based in power. It is a broken promise. There remains much work to do, together.

ps. Thank you to the women who provided candid & honest feedback on this piece during the editing process. You made me think deeper & improved my own clarity on these issues.

[1]American Educational Research Journal. January 2018.

[2]2018 PayScale Survey: https://www.payscale.com/data/gender-pay-gap

[3]National Bureau of Economics Research. Gender Differences in Promotion Rates

[4]In many companies, salary and compensation rewards grow on a percentage basis over time. If one falls behind early-in-career, you end up significantly behind later in life.

[5]Visier Gender Equality Report. https://hello.visier.com/gender-equity-report-visier-insights/

[6]Stop Street Harassment: http://www.stopstreetharassment.org/